Ben Stratton In Doubt For Round One After Discovering Grouse Pinga Lodged In Revolver Couch

Ben Stratton is facing a race against time to prove his fitness ahead of Saturday’s round one clash against Essendon, after his preparation thrown off course by a chance encounter with a grade-a ecstasy tablet.

Following his DJ set at Revolver on Sunday night, Stratton was due to return home immediately after his closing track but a quick survey of the unattended couches along the eastern wall of the establishment created an itch that simply had to be scratched.

A quick inspection of the couch cushions revealed exactly what the experienced 138-gamer had expected, a high-quality MDMA capsule without a rightful owner. Following a cursory glance to his left and right, the 28-year-old did what any self-respecting hard-house DJ would do – kissed his foreseeable future goodbye, swallowed it whole and returned to the dance floor to get buck wild.

“We haven’t seen him in 24 hours,” confirmed a Hawthorn spokesperson. “The last we heard he had bought a slab of UDLs, some cheap sunnies from 7-11 and was in an Uber headed to a kick-on in Hurstbridge. We urge anyone with knowledge of his whereabouts to contact the club immediately.”