After repeated efforts to manually tally up the total sum of his career earnings, Australia tennis darling Bernard Tomic has come up short this morning after again becoming confused in the late twenties and being forced to start over.
“Fuck,” said the 25-year-old, who had emptied out his savings account earlier in the week after failing to qualify for the Australian Open. “Was that $26 or $27? Or was it $28? Oh well, looks like its back to square one.”
With no tennis to partake in for the foreseeable future, Tomic is spending every waking moment on his new project, which described to reporters on Sunday as “counting his millions.” But with hours already wasted on the task and no real results to show for it, the rising star is rumored to have hired a maths tutor to help him progress.
More to come.