Police responded to an incident in western Brisbane on Monday afternoon, where a vengeful, maniacal middle-aged man had mounted the gutter in a stolen 1992 VN Commodore and proceeded to completely destroy the front lawn of a local horticulturist, authorities today confirmed.
“How do you like them apples, pretty boy!” the driver could be heard shouting from car window as he tore the front nature strip to shreds. “You seriously did all this for Adele? She hasn’t had a good song since 2008! Your taste in music is nearly as bad as your taste in lawn seeds!”
Eye-witness accounts confirmed that the assailant bore a very strong resemblance to AFL CEO Gillon McLachlan, his strong, dark locks flailing about in the wind as expertly steered the car through a series of tight burnouts on the perfectly cut lawn.
The 44-year-old has since been apprehended and remains in custody.