Harley Bennell Wondering What He Has To Do To Get The Fuck Out Of Fremantle

Harley Bennell’s escape route out of a western Australian hell-hole has hit another roadblock, with the talented midfielder’s latest attempt to be released by the Fremantle Football Club failing miserably yet again.

“Thought I really nailed it this time,” he said. “Not just getting blind drunk the night before training, but getting in a fight with nightclub security and then not showing up in the morning. Looks like it is back to the drawing board.”

Bennell is entering the final year of a three-year contract at Fremantle, but the club’s onfield woes coupled with a terrible local nightlife scene has him hopeful of moving on sooner rather than later. His previous attempts to get the axe from Fremantle include disrupting a three-quarter-time huddle at a WAFL game, getting kicked off a flight for being intoxicated and maintaining a perennially injured calf.

“What more can a man do? I’ve tried everything.”