Jack Watts Under Investigation For Shameful Motorboat Technique

Port Adelaide star Jack Watts has come under fire over the weekend, after a video surfaced of the former number one draft pick reveling in the festivities at last year’s Oktoberfest and engaging in what can only be described as a dismal attempt at a rather elementary sex act.

“I’ve let myself down, I’ve let my teammates down, and I’ve let the club down,” confirmed the promising utility, whose penchant for swimming, inhaling white powder and mammaries, preferably at the same time, has long been a matter of public record.

Despite his passion for recreational activities of this nature, Watts’ execution that fateful night in Munich has quickly drawn the ire of experienced heads across the AFL landscape.

“Not a good look, throw the book at him,” said SEN’s Garry Lyon.

Kane Cornes is yet to comment.