John Worsfold Puts Entire Playing Group To Sleep With Lengthy Pre-match Rev-up

Essendon coach John Worsfold’s pre-match address has failed to have the desired effect tonight, with the entire playing group falling into a deep collective slumber just 30 seconds in.

Worsfolds pushed on regardless, with heart rate data revealing several players were close to comatose by the time he wrapped it up, while some were reportedly close to clinically dead.

At the time of publication, it was unclear whether the players would rouse in time for their clash with GWS at 7:20.

More to come.