North Melbourne accountant Rob Waters has confirmed that he is struggling to sleep at night as the club’s administration waves cash around “like Wayne Carey in a brothel,” with the prospect of one of its multi-million dollar offers actually materializing looking more likely by the day.
“I don’t know what books they’re looking at, but if they’re anything like mine the most we can offer these blokes is $37,000 and a free Mazda in a rigged club raffle,” he said. “One of these days the player will actually accept and who knows what we’re going to do then.”
The impoverished suburban club has made massive offers to Richmond’s Dustin Martin and GWS’ Josh Kelly, appearing to do so without first consulting the volunteer bookkeepers in the financial department downstairs.
“We’d probably have to sell all our home games, or at least play a couple in China,” said Waters. “Either way my life’s going to be a fucking nightmare.”