As any elite midfielder will attest, succeeding at the top level requires some crafty maneuvering to shake a tag, and blossoming Essendon captain Dyson Heppell looks to have done just that with help from his disease-ridden mane.
“I couldn’t get near him all night,” Collingwood midfielder Levi Greenwood confirmed. “Not because he was outrunning me or anything, he’s actually quite slow, but they haven’t developed a vaccine for Ebola yet and I’m not one to take chances.”
Following his 2014 season as the Bombers’ best midfielder, serious questions were raised over Heppell’s ability to deal with increased attention from the opposition. Extra training sessions with Jobe Watson helped, but it was an off-season trip where his hair collected several strains of exotic bacteria that really gave him a new-found ability to find space.