New Streamlined Ty Vickery Ready To Grab Competition By The Balls

Following a stint out of the senior team and period of dominance at VFL level, a mid-week visit to the barber has aerodynamic Hawthorn utility Ty Vickery primed for an AFL return.

“He’s straight in,” declared Hawthorn coach Alastair Clarkson. “Without that hair flopping all over the place he is moving really well. We can’t wait to see what he can do.”

A former first round draft pick, Vickery’s career to date has been seen as a disappointment by some, with the former Tiger carrying various injuries and 14kg of knotted hair through the early years of his development.

But after a successful visit to Just Cuts at Melbourne Central on Thursday, he finally appears set for a clear run at it. Named in the ruck for Saturday night’s clash against Collingwood, analysts expect that the inclusion of a sleeker Tyrone Vickery is likely to singlehandedly end Nathan Buckley’s coaching career.

“There’s no telling what he’s capable of now,” said David King, following a 31-minute presentation on the finer points of male grooming in the Lab on Fox Footy.